Peace For Despair
by Oneturtledove
Summary: It's never over. It's just starting. 6x23 continuation.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Yes, another finale post-ep. I've read a ton of these and all of them are so very good, I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. My ending however, is not one I've seen before. I had such "fun" writing this and I haven't been this excited about a story in a very long time. I played around with the narration this time, finally choosing the one that had been speaking the story in my head the entire time. Names at the beginning of the chapter will let you know whose mind we're invading. So here's a week's worth of work for you, in story form. Enjoy!

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_Alexis_

My feet are quick as they pound against the asphalt, carrying me closer and closer to the inferno. The smoke is charging through my respiratory system but what's choking me is not the air, but the fact that I've just recognized what's going on. I knew something was wrong but I didn't expect this, not in a million years could I have guessed the sight I would be met with.

Kate is standing in the middle of the road, still. The flames are just beyond her and it isn't until I'm a few feet behind her that it all clicks. That's not just any car.

"Dad!"

Part of my mind is shouting at me to not go further, that this is dangerous, that I'll never be able to save him. The other half urges me on, tells me to hurry, tells me that I have to save him because no one else will.

"Daddy!"

My screams must have broken Kate out of her shock because in an instant her arms are around me and she's pulling me back, away from the fire.

"No, no, I have to get him," I spit out, aware of how silly it seems. "Let me go!"

She pulls harder and I try to surge forward, but she's so much stronger than I am. I try to pull her arms away but she keeps catching me, muttering softly in my ear, her voice thick with tears.

"Don't look, baby, don't look, you don't want to remember that."

"Let me go!" I repeat, all the fight leaking out of me. It's too much, it feels so unreal. He wasn't supposed to go this way. This is not happening.

"He wasn't in the car," Kate is whispering, over and over as she tries again to move me away. "He wasn't in the car. He wasn't. It doesn't go that way. The story can't end like that."

I'm not sure if her rambling is borne of despair or if she is already beginning to riddle out the mystery of what happened.

One more scream for him escapes my lips and I fight with everything left in me to get away. She holds on tighter, I almost fear she'll crush me with the power of it, and suddenly there's some kind of popping noise and the entire car explodes.

We both hit the ground hard, skidding at least a few inches from the force of it. I hit my head but manage to remain cogent enough to realize what has just happened. If he was in that car, if he had any hope at all, it's gone now. My dad is gone.

I'm staring up at the sky, mouth gaping open, the finality beating as steady as a metronome against my heart. Slowly I'm aware of Kate next to me, stirring a little and sitting up before looking me over. One of us is bleeding though I can't make my nervous system speak to my brain to tell me how hurt I actually am. It's as if my body has suddenly frozen, the mind inside struggling to exist without its partner.

"Alexis, say something."

My mouth opens but nothing comes out and I see the panic I feel reflected back in her face. I don't know what else to do, so I lay there, staring up at the smoke in the sky, wondering how fast the afterlife happens, if I could look hard enough and watch my dad looking back down at me.

The thought makes me nauseated and I want desperately to be sick, but again, my body stays still. This can't be real. He's not gone, there's still a miracle to be had, a mystery to solve. We'll see him again. We have to. There's too much left for him to do.

"He wasn't in the car," I manage to squeak out, grabbing for Kate's hand. She looks surprised as her eyes fall to mine and I gulp in the air, though it's filled with smoke.

"What?"

"You're right. He can't be in the car. He's not here."

"He's not here," she repeats, as if confirming the idea to the universe. It's like dad told me once, that if two people really believe in something, then even the impossible is possible.

After a moment we struggle to our feet and I figure we must have only been down for a bit, because the firefighters who have been called to the scene are just now rushing over to us.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I keep saying, looking over my shoulder to where what used to be the car is still flaming, a crumpled pile of metal. An EMT is checking my vital signs, asking about blurry vision or headache, but I basically wave him off. I'm fine, it's dad they should be worried about.

We stay for over an hour, until the fire is put out. I want to stay longer but Kate won't allow it, and I know that she's afraid of what they'll pull from the car. As an investigator she needs to see it, but as herself, she needs to get out of there, needs to get me out of there. Later I'll think about what that means, that she pulls me away though her inclination was to stay, but at the moment all I can do is let her lead me back to the car.

Gram looks pale as she circles the car, unsure of what to do or say, or even the entirety of what's happened. I heard her before, screaming for some answers, demanding to know if dad was in the car, but now she's just silent, walking in a circle. My mind flips back to how it happened, how Kate had run out of the room with the order for us to stay there. How I had followed right after her, shaking Lanie off, pushing Ryan when he tried to stop me at the door… did I actually push Esposito down in my haste to get away?

Kate's car had peeled out of the driveway before Gram and I could tumble into another, yelling for the driver to go.

I'm not aware of the conversation Kate is having with Ryan and Esposito, but she's gesturing wildly and yelling. If they didn't look so sorrowful, I would think they were actually scared of her. I watch from the car as Esposito grabs her arms and pulls her close. I couldn't begin to guess what he says, but she nods against him and slowly, so slowly, I almost can't tell, turns back towards me and Gram.

"We have to leave," she says finally, hand shaking as she reaches for the door handle. "The boys will… they can… we have to go."

There's no discussion as the three of us sink into the backseat together and Gram tells the driver to head home. It all passes by in a blur, a horrible whiz of colors and sunset and all I want is for everything to go black, dark, quiet.

The house comes into view, this citadel beckoning us in where it's warm and safe. It's then that the tears begin, starting deep within my chest and bursting forth before I can stop them. I can't be here without dad. This isn't home without him. I want to leap from the car and run back to the site of the accident, to the last place where he was. I want to sit in the road alone, close my eyes and try to feel his spirit, the same way Pi always said he could communicate with his grandfather. I want to try it, I need to try it, but I'm so afraid I'll be disappointed.

The car stops and we get out carefully. I'm finding, now that my body is communicating with me again, that I'm in a great deal of pain and walking is excruciating. Kate is trying to hold me up but she seems to be just as injured as I am. It isn't until Jim comes out of the house and helps us that we make it inside.

Gram begins to wander; I'm not sure why she's doing that or what she's feeling or thinking but my head is so very full that I can't dwell on it too much. I manage to sink into the couch and Kate comes down with me, turning sideways and checking over the cuts on my face, her dress crinkling beneath her. She peeks over her shoulder, but Jim is already headed into the bathroom for the first aid kit, as if he anticipated what she was going to say. Her brow is furrowed with concern as she lightly touches what I imagine is a rather large scrape on my forehead. I want to shake her hands away and tell her I'm fine, ask her what we do now, how we find dad, but I know she has to do this first. Asses the damage, then make a plan.

Jim returns with the kit and she busies herself by poking through it, finding what she needs before she pulls me a little closer.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but this will sting."

I close my eyes and breathe through it, letting her take care of me because heaven knows we both need that right now. She stays quiet and I chance a look at her, finding her face set in determination, whether for the moment to fix me up, or for the long haul to bring him home, I'm not sure. I don't think it matters.

"You're bleeding," I say finally, seeing the scrape on her shoulder, the torn and stained lace that will never be repaired. She glances down at it and nods, then looks me over once more.

"Anything else hurt?"

I don't know why it's that gentle question that sends me into another round of tears and I try to answer her despite the sobs that keep coming up. She pulls me to her, gentle this time, and runs her hand over my hair. I can tell that she doesn't know what to do for me, but I'm unable to breathe normally, much less tell her that this is all I need.

"I'm not going to give up," she says after a moment. "I promise you Alexis, I won't give up."

"What do we do?"

"We don't stop. We never stop looking, we never stop trying. Not until the answers are good enough."

"I'm scared, Kate."

"Me too."

"What if we're wrong?"

"We can't be."

She says it with such resolve that I can't continue to question her. Dad trusts her and now so must I.

We continue to sit there for a while and I want to try and absorb some of her pain but I know it's more than I could ever hold. She's barely had time to breathe in the last few weeks, so many things in her life have been almost agonizingly tumultuous. I don't know how she's even breathing right now.

At some point Esposito and Ryan return to the house, their faces somber as they sit down on the coffee table.

"What?" Kate asks after a moment, her voice raising in panic. I close my eyes and burrow closer to her thinking hard about anything else, not wanting to hear them. I don't want to know yet, I want to have some time to take in all that's already happened. I can't do this.

"It wasn't him!" she cries after a moment, her free hand balling into a fist and slamming against the couch.

"Kate-"

"NO! You listen to me. There may have been a body in that car but it was NOT him!"

I squirm at the thought. I don't think dad is gone, but that means someone else is. I feel sick and I pull away from Kate, running for the bathroom. She's close behind me, catching up just in time to hold my hair back and as my body staggers forward there's a little piece of me that is entirely embarrassed to be losing it like this in front of her.

"Kate, where do you think he is?" I ask, sinking against the bathmat.

"I don't know, sweetie. I don't know."

"Do you think someone took him? Like they took me? Do you think they're using him to get to…"

"No. I think it's something else."

I wrack my brain trying to come up with the name, the one dad doesn't know I know, the one he's muttered in his desk-chair nightmares.

"Jerry Tyson?"

She gasps softly and looks down at me, her brow furrowing. For a moment I think she's mad that I know, but then the expression clears to one of surprise and fright.

"How much do you know?"

"Not a lot. Do you think it's possible?"

She's quiet and I move slightly, rubbing at my eyes before staring her down, willing her to answer.

"It's the first thing I thought of when that call came in. I have no evidence but it's the thing that makes the most sense."

"Did you say anything to anyone?"

"Sweetie, Ryan and Espo… they believe it was him in the car. They want to investigate this, but they're convinced they're looking at a homicide, not a kidnapping."

"Why?"

"Because that's what the evidence says. Right now, you and I are the only ones that think he's alive."

I feel nauseated again but I manage not to get sick, instead standing up and turning on the sink to rinse my mouth.

"Then we need to get started," I say, wiping the water off my face. "We can't sit here and cry like this if he's alive, that's just silly. Let's go."

Her jaw drops a little and she stares at me as I dry my hands on the hanging towel.

"Alexis… Captain Gates, she doesn't want me on the case."

"WHAT?!"

I'm about ready to hunt this woman down and make her change her mind when Kate reaches up for my hand, giving it a squeeze.

"Sweetie, she's not doing this because she doesn't want to find him. She's doing it because she's afraid I'll get myself killed. She's running the case and as much as I hate this, I trust her."

"Meanwhile you'll do what you do best and work it under the radar?"

"Well… yeah."

"I'm helping you."

"Wait sweetheart, this could get-"

"Dangerous? Really Kate? You can't say that to me, you can't tell me that I can't look for my dad when I know you would lay down your life to find him. Too dangerous? I'm sorry but I love him too."

"I know," she agrees, standing up. "And I would never ask you not to be involved. But if we do this, you have to trust me. If I say run, you run and you don't look back. If I tell you to stay put, you stay. I am not losing you too, do you understand me?"

"Yes. I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

_Kate_

I don't do much sleeping that night. We're all up until after two, running the whole thing around and around, no one agreeing on much of anything. Lanie is at the local hospital, waiting for any remains that may come in. She's stating no opinions on the matter, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's of the same mind as the boys. They want to believe he's alive, but the evidence so far just doesn't support that. They can't believe it.

What does surprise me is Captain Gates. She strode into the house and right up to me, mouth set in a straight line. I was certain she was going to give me a no nonsense speech about how I was to stay away from the case, at best that she would blame it on taking care of myself. Instead, her voice dropped so only I could hear and she promised that she would work the case from whatever angle I felt was best. I looked at her in shock as she continued, telling me that if I so strongly believed he was alive, then there had to be something to that feeling and she wasn't going to label this a homicide until she was absolutely certain. If I had reason to believe that he wasn't in the car, then so did she. It didn't take long to fill her in on my suspicions and she nodded along, not giving anything away, just asking if there was anything else it could possibly be.

"Kate, I can't have you on this case," she said when I was done. "At least not officially."

I had nodded in understanding, feeling that I could do as she asked.

But now I was twitchy, wanting to leave this house, get back to the city, find Castle and get on with our lives. I don't have the patience for this, the needlessness of sleep, all the time it wastes. I could be looking right now. I could be back at the precinct, looking over the scant information we have on Jerry Tyson and either cement my suspicions or throw it out.

It occurs to me that Tyson is supposed to be dead too. The only reason he popped into my head is because that song had already been floating around in there for the last three days. What if I am wrong? What if this is different, what if this involves something much bigger? What if I'm wrong and Castle is…

The thought sends a hard tremor through my body and I breathe deeply to try and contain it. By the light of the moon outside I can see that my hands are shaking, the adrenaline and exhaustion of the day catching up with me. I need rest but I just can't do it.

I shift slightly and glance down at Alexis, who's been sleeping on and off for the last couple hours. Not long after she'd finally given in to sleep she'd had a nightmare, screaming for Castle, for Martha, even for me. It had taken a long time to get her breathing normally again and then she'd begged me not to leave her. I couldn't say that I had much desire to get up anyway, so I stayed where I was, keeping an eye on her while Martha dozed in a chair next to the bed.

The sun is barely coming up and I'm feeling a hard pull for caffeine, so as carefully as I can, I stand up from the bed and make my way out of the room. I can smell coffee already and I've so long associated that fragrance with Castle that for one fleeting moment I almost think I'll find him standing there, holding a warm mug and making some quip that makes me laugh inside but roll my eyes.

Instead I find my dad, standing against the counter and looking out over the backyard and the beach. I'm thrown back so many years, finding him in the kitchen after a sleepless night, a glass of something in his hand, his eyes bloodshot from the alcohol. I'm struck by how far he's come, how much better and younger he looks now. How he seems like the dad I used to run to when I'd scraped my knee, not the one who slurred his words and couldn't stand up half the time.

"Dad?"

"Hey Katie. I made coffee."

I nod and cross the room, pouring myself a cup, then joining him at the counter. Neither one of us say a word; I know he thinks that asking how I am would seem trite, and I can't formulate much in the way of conversation anyway. After a moment his arm slides around my shoulders and he pulls me in close, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"What if I never see him again?"

He doesn't answer and I know I shouldn't have asked. He hasn't even been able to answer the question for himself, how can I expect him to answer it for me?

I don't know how long we stand in silence, the uncertainty nearly swarming around us, but the sun is fully up when someone pads slowly into the kitchen behind us.

"Kate?"

"Hey Alexis."

She rubs at her eyes and walks over to us seemingly unsure of where she fits in or what she should do. I set my mug on the counter and motion for her to join us. I'm glad when she does, tucking in against me like a lost little girl. My heart breaks again; I know that feeling so well.

My dad leaves us after a moment, making some comment about how neither of us have eaten for a day and we're going to need breakfast. I don't argue, even though I know of his penchant to burn eggs and sorely undercook bacon. It doesn't seem to matter much right now.

"Did you get any rest?"

"I don't think so. Did you?"

"Not at all."

"Are we going back to the city today?"

"I don't know."

"We should. We're not going to find him here. And I want to know more about Jerry Tyson. Can we see his file or anything?"

"Sweetie, I don't know if I want you to know more."

"I think protecting my innocence is kind of secondary right now."

"Okay, you're right."

As steady as her voice is, I can tell that she's scared, that the nightmares have fueled her worries for the day and I wish that I could promise her that it will be okay. But I can't. I can't promise her any more than I can promise myself.

She moves away after a while, half-heartedly helping dad with breakfast. She's fine for the moment, so I head out the back door and across the lawn, down the aisle between the chairs that no one has thought to pack away. It isn't until I'm standing under the archway, looking out over the water that I realize where I am. Is this bad luck? Standing here alone at the exact spot we were supposed to be wed? Does it really matter? Nothing can be much worse than this.

"Katie."

I turn and find him standing a lot closer than I thought and it's not until I'm in his arms again that I allow myself to cry, to fear that everyone else is right, to think about what I'm going to do without him.

We stand there for a long time before I calm down enough to follow him wordlessly back into the house. Everyone is there now and I'm not sure that I want them to be. For the first time it feels like me against my team and I don't like it. Rather than join them in the kitchen, I head into the living room where Martha is sitting on the couch. She doesn't look like herself at all and that scares me more than I can even start to understand. Her face is drawn, there are bags under her eyes, and she's not wearing a stitch of makeup. I settle down on the couch next to her and she reaches over for my hand.

"Katherine, do you really think he's alive?"

"Yes, I do."

"And you'll bring him home?"

"I'll do everything I can."

She nods, unable to say anything else as she holds back tears and tries to remain composed.

"Gram, I made you some tea," Alexis whispers, handing her a mug. "Kate, they want you in the kitchen."

"For what?"

"They won't tell me."

She looks angry and I let half a smile slide across my face.

"Do you want to know?"

"Of course."

"Come on."

I give Martha a long hug before standing up from the couch and going with Alexis back into the kitchen. Computers are open on the counter and Ryan and Esposito are having a hushed argument while Lanie looks on, arms crossed over her chest. Captain Gates is there too, on the phone and looking agitated when she catches my eye. She gives me a slight nod as I sit down on the barstool and pull a stack of papers towards me.

"What's this?"

"Accident report," Esposito explains, glancing at Alexis. I know what he's thinking and though I know his intentions are in her best interest, there's no way I am letting anyone talk her out of being here. She needs the facts just as much as I do.

"So what do we know?"

"We have two witnesses that saw a black SUV driving aggressively about a mile from the scene. They both discounted it as normal rich teenagers playing around until they heard about the accident."

"License plate?" Alexis asks, taking the sheet of paper I hand to her.

"No, not yet. We're checking into businesses along the road that may have surveillance tapes. Hopefully we'll find something."

"Check traffic cameras too. I know that along that stretch of road there isn't much, but maybe closer into town there's a red light camera or something that might see the SUV."

"We'll do that," Ryan agrees slowly. "Alexis, listen. I don't think that you should really listen to all of this-"

"Well I don't care what you think," she snaps, her tone icy. I lay a hand on her knee, in support rather than in an attempt to calm her down. "You're under the impression that dad is dead, I don't really trust your instincts right now, Detective Ryan."

"Hey now-" Esposito starts, but cuts out when her glare slashes across him.

"Look, if dad is gone like you think then that makes me his next of kin, no? It also makes me in charge of his estate, not to mention anything else that entails. I think I have a right to know what's going on here. And Kate thinks so too. Now, what else have you found?"

She can command a room better than I can and I tuck that moment away, knowing Castle will balloon up with pride when I tell him about it.

"There were bone fragments discovered in the wreckage," Lanie starts, more to Alexis than to me. "Right now there's not enough for me to say anything definitively other than that they're human. They'll continue bringing more in as they clear the area and expand the search."

"Okay. Do they have any idea what caused the second explosion?"

When in the world did this girl learn to run point on an investigation?

"They're still looking but the fire chief thinks that there was a device in the car, set to explode after the wreck."

"And the fire didn't get to it first?"

"We just don't know yet."

Captain Gates strides over then, taking a deep breath.

"Actually, I just got off the phone with the fire chief. They've recovered enough to piece together that there was something in the car to cause the secondary explosion, probably meant to obliterate any evidence. It seems that it was housed in a lockbox under the driver's seat. The box kept it mostly safe from the flames, but wasn't meant to withstand the explosion from the inside."

"So this wasn't a hit and run," Alexis says, glancing through the last page of the report. "And dad didn't lose control of the car. There was someone else on that road. Someone wanted this to happen, someone planned it. It wasn't an accident, so let's stop calling it that. What about Jerry Tyson?"

A silence falls over the room; I can tell that the rest of the team is startled she's brought it up.

"That's not something we've had a chance to look into yet," Ryan starts carefully, not wanting another verbal slap from her.

She nods and turns to me, as if handing the rest over, and I can see the weariness in her eyes. She might seem full of fire right now, but it's quickly draining out.

"There's one thing I haven't told you guys about," I admit finally. "Castle and I… we were left a message. From Tyson."

"What kind of message?" Captain Gates asks, leaning onto the counter.

"When we went to Dr. Nieman's office, it wasn't totally empty. Look, I know you could have my badge for this but you have to understand, everything we had on him had been taken. It was all erased. We didn't want that to happen so we pocketed the evidence."

"You kept evidence from us?" Esposito explodes.

"Yes Javi, we did. And once we found out what it was, we decided it was safer to keep it to ourselves."

"Well what was it?"

"It was a note. "Better luck next time.""

"That's it?"

"There was a pen also, with Dr. Niemans name on it, the kind you'd find at the check-in desk. There was a USB drive inside."

"And what was on it?"

I sigh gently, knowing that this will not sound like evidence to any of the rest of them, but they weren't there. They don't know the icy terror that washed over me as the music played, they don't know the feeling of being watched, the fear that it will all come to a head when it's least expected.

"An audio file. "We'll meet again" by Vera Lynn."

They all stare at me, unblinking.

"We'll meet again," I say slowly. "Don't know where, don't know when, we'll meet again, some sunny day. Look, I know it doesn't mean much but it was from Tyson, I know it was. He plays games, he baits us. What better way to drive us mad than this? Promising he'll be back."

"Kate, you have to tell me what happened," Alexis starts, eyes round and pleading. "Dad never said a word so he must have thought me knowing would put me in danger, but that's really neither here nor there anymore, is it?"

I sigh and nod, beginning the entire story and letting everyone else fill in bits and pieces until the story is as complete as we can get it. She nods through the whole thing then bites her lip when we're done.

"So Jerry Tyson has made it personal for all of you."

"Not me," Captain Gates notes.

"But you weren't there at the beginning. Everyone else was. Kate, you're last on his list."

"I know."

"He's got dad," she continues. "Because he knows that's what's going to torture you the most right? Not knowing where he is, that will drive you mad, and that's what Tyson is banking on, right?"

"I suppose that could be part of it."

"Alexis, we don't know for sure it's him," Esposito reminds her. "From an evidentiary standpoint at least. There's nothing that points to him except happenstance and a feeling."

"Well then what do you have?" Alexis counters. "You don't have the SUV, you don't have a body, just bone fragments. You don't have any indication that it was Dad in the car. You don't have ransom demands, you have a secondary device that points to a premeditated and organized act. So tell me, if this were any other case, would you be crying accident, or would you be searching for something bigger? I get what you're saying and I respect that, but you have to admit, Jerry Tyson makes a lot more sense than a random bout of road rage."

Silence falls over the room and everyone seems to mull over what she's said. I understand where they're all coming from and I know it's hard for them to go on a feeling. I wish there was more concrete evidence pointing to Tyson. I wish there was something I could show them, something that would convince them. The fact of the matter is that the lack of evidence weighs into my beliefs that it's Tyson as well.

"You said all the files are gone?" Alexis begins, her voice a little softer. I can tell she feels guilty for snapping at the boys.

"Hard copies and electronic."

"Electronic files are never really gone, are they?"

"Lex, they couldn't be recovered," I tell her.

"Okay. Then what do we do?"

"I think all we can do right now is wait."

"For what?"

"I'm not sure."

I hate telling her this truth, that despite what I promised her, I don't know how to make that come true. How can I not give up if I have no idea where to start fighting?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and follows! I was going to just post one chapter a day because I wasn't sure how it would be received, but I'll go ahead and post slightly quicker than that.

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_Alexis_

It's after lunch when Kate and I bring up the idea of going back to the city. Everyone seems a little more convinced that this is the work of Jerry Tyson, but apparently that makes them more hesitant to let anyone out of the house. An argument ensues between Kate and the rest of the team, and even Lanie is yelling. I would be right in the middle of the fray but I'm so tired, so emotionally spent that every holler prickles at my skin and I slip out of the kitchen into dad's study, curling up in the large chair behind his desk.

This room is so different from the one at home. It's bright and airy, the décor a little coastal, simplistic. It doesn't really scream Richard Castle, and I think that's why he likes it here. When his writing gets too routine, he can come here for a change of pace. I guess that's what the Hamptons have always been for us, a place to live another part of our lives.

I know that dad keeps a few story ideas and things in the filing cabinet here and I do a quick search through them, hoping that he would have made some notation about Jerry Tyson that might be helpful. But there's nothing. Everything is old. Most of it is stories that have never come to fruition. Frustrated, I sit back in the chair and watch the clock, wondering how long the dull yelling outside is going to go on. Nerves are frayed and I'm sure they're just arguing in circles now. No one thinks Kate should go back to the city, but she doesn't think they would know what they were looking for. I've never known her not to have faith in her team and it scares me a little that right now when she needs them most is the time she decides to be skeptical.

The door opens and I can hear the arguing loudly for just a moment before it closes again. I turn in the chair and find Jim standing there, almost meekly, as if he didn't really mean to disturb me.

"Hi."

"Escaping?" he asks with a lift of his eyebrows. I nod and he sits down on the couch, hands clasped in his lap. I wonder if he has something to say or if he's escaping too.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he says finally.

"I don't think so. I can't think of anything."

"You just want your dad."

I nod and feel a tear slip down my cheek. He doesn't move but to look down at the floor for a moment before he speaks.

"Alexis, I want you to know that wedding or no wedding, we're all family. And we don't leave family."

I find that he means it in two ways; a promise that they won't give up on finding dad alive, but also that no matter what happens, I won't be alone. Kate promised me that over and over last night as she tried to calm me from the nightmares, and I know she means it, she's always meant it. But it's something else entirely to hear her dad say it too. I choke back sudden tears and he stands up, crossing to me to rest his hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you," I manage to get out, looking up at him. He just nods, runs his hand gently over my hair, then quietly slips from the room. It's mere seconds later that I find myself crying, head resting on the desk, ugly-sobbing that I am loathe to let anyone see. I still believe dad is out there somewhere and that we'll see him again, but the worry that he's injured or that we'll be without him for months is pressing in on me. What will this do to all of us? Gram is already changing, she looks so old. There's something different about Kate too, though I can't put my finger on it. As for myself, I don't know if I can handle much more. Getting through the aftermath of Paris was bad enough, but everything that's happened since hasn't really made it much better.

The door creaks again and Kate steps through, shutting it behind her. She stands there for a moment, uncertain, while I try to calm down enough to say anything. She's patient, moving finally to the couch as I manage to catch my breath.

"Kate, I don't think I can do this."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Yes you can, Alexis. You have no choice. You have to do this. And you will."

I lift my head and it's not lost on me that her expression changes when she sees my face.

"Sweetheart, come over here."

I obey, mostly because it would be rude not to but partly because I really need someone to reassure me that it's okay. She's always been good for that, on the occasion that I've talked anything over with her. She listens, is patient while I find the words and doesn't give me advice as if she thinks I'm silly or don't know any better. She treats me like an equal which is always nice, but right now I just want to be taken care of. She's good for that too, I find, as she's stroking her hand through my hair and letting me cry on her shoulder, not making any platitudes. I can feel her tears wetting my hair and I move a little so I can wrap one arm around her, wanting her to know that she doesn't always have to be so brave.

"I know it's hard," she says finally, lifting my chin. "I don't feel like I can do this either. But neither one of us are doing this alone. We have each other. I know I may not be your first choice but I'm here."

"I want you here. I need you here."

"Okay then. No more thinking you can't do this. You can cry when you need to but don't you dare start thinking you won't make it through. You will."

"Tough love."

"Well, I tough love you," she remarks, which makes me smile.

"We need to go back to the city," I sigh, sitting up and wiping the tear tracks from my face. "Do you think we could sneak out of here?"

"I don't know. What is it that you want to do once we get there?"

"Look through dads files. You know he makes his own notes on interesting cases. Maybe there's something there, and maybe there will be some small detail in it that no one remembered. I don't know Kate, I can't just sit here."

"I know."

"Can we go?"

"I don't think there's anything we can do here."

"Kate, what if it's not Jerry Tyson?"

"We'll deal with that if it comes, okay?"

I feel empty inside and I close my eyes, imagining what it's going to feel like to have my dad's arms around me again, in one of those hugs that lifts me off the ground. I remember when I was small, how he used to toss me high into the air, always playfully catching me right before I hit the ground. The feeling of fright that accompanied it was nothing compared to the safety I felt when I was back in his arms. I don't think anything will ever feel that safe again.

"I'm scared too," she admits softly, sniffling. "I feel like I can't do this without him. He's been right beside me for so long, helping me through everything. I don't know what to do when he's not here."

"He's always been my everything," I add, wiping my eyes. "The one thing that would never let me down, even when I didn't hold up my end of the deal. No matter how much I screw up, he's still there and he's still proud of me. How can he love me that much?"

"That's what parents do. He taught me that. That's one of my favorite things about him, how much he loves you. It's hard to believe that there is anything in the world he wouldn't do for you."

I nod against her shoulder.

"Kate, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why haven't you cried?"

She takes a deep breath and I remain still, letting her work the words over in her mind.

"Because I'm afraid that if I cry, if I really let myself feel it, I won't ever stop. And I have to have a clear mind for this. I have to bring him home."

"Then let's get out of here, Kate. Let's go back home and see if we can find anything. See if we can find Jerry Tyson or this Dr. Nieman. Rule them out or rule them in. Let's at least do something."

"Okay, let's go."

We leave the study and both head upstairs, silently agreeing to pack up a few belongings before we go. I stuff Monkey Bunkey into the bottom of my bag, some clothes on top, making sure I have my phone and computer too. Getting out of here feels so good, almost relieving, and I slide my feet into my shoes with a bit more hope than I woke up with.

We meet in the hallway a few minutes later and I move for the stairs but she stops me, pulling me into another tight hug.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure, Kate."

"And you'll do what I say?"

"I promise."

"You trust me?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

She lets me go and we walk downstairs, our bags making the announcement of our departure before we say a word.

"Girl where do you think you're going?" Lanie asks as we head for the door.

"Home," Kate replies curtly, which probably makes Lanie mad.

"Yo Beckett," Esposito starts, walking quickly to stand in front of the door. "Listen if this is Jerry Tyson, don't you want some protective detail?"

"He got what he wanted, Espo. Now I have to find him."

"Kate, you really think it's a good idea to take Alexis with you?" Ryan butts in, giving a disapproving look to the whole thing.

"No, I don't but it's her decision. I don't tell her what to do."

"Alexis, listen to me," he starts, turning to me, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. "I know you're an adult and you're capable of making your own decisions. I respect that. But as a father I can tell you that your dad would not want you to do this."

"I know he wouldn't. But I'm not making Kate do it alone. Let's go."

We leave the house despite the protests and once we're in the car she looks over at me, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

"What?"

"Alexis Castle, you ultimate sass-master."

"I probably shouldn't have."

"You were honest. Of course you should have."

"Were you honest too? When you said that it's probably not a good idea to take me with you?"

"I was. I'm hoping we don't get in over our heads because if we do, if something happens to you…"

"I'll be careful, Kate. I promise. Just… I've never shot a real gun before. If it even comes to that."

"I know. And I hope it doesn't."

There's an edge in her voice that convinces me that she is worried that's exactly what will happen.


	4. Chapter 4

_Kate_

As we drive past the scene of the wreck on our way out of town, I can't help but slow the car down so we can peer out the windows at the site. Part of me is screaming at my right foot to ease back onto the accelerator, to get out of here. Another part of me is saying to go even slower, to take it all in, don't chance missing a clue. But another part of me, the one that I've just barely become acquainted with tells me that this is killing Alexis, that I have to move along for her because she can't bear it.

I urge the car on and reach over for her slender hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Why don't you try and get some rest?"

"I don't think you need me having a nightmare while you try to drive."

"As long as we're not on Elm Street."

The slight joke is out of my mouth before I can stop it and when I chance a look at her the corners of her mouth are curled slightly up. I'm not sure if we both just need to be lighthearted for a minute, or if heading back to the city and actually feeling like we're getting accomplished is easing some of our worry, but I think we both feel a little better.

"Hey, can we talk about something?" I start, half an hour into the trip.

"Yeah, of course."

I chew on my bottom lip for a moment, making a lane change quickly, taking just a moment longer to formulate exactly what I'm going to say.

"I was actually going to talk to you about this days ago but then… things got in the way."

"Rogan O'Leary," she says with a nod. "Is that even his real name?"

"Unfortunately."

She smiles to herself.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Alexis, I just want you to know that I'm never going to try and be your mom."

I glance over at her but she doesn't seem to want to say anything.

"Even putting the step-mom label on it seems kind of weird. So um… I just want you to know that I'll be whatever you need me to be. I won't be anything if that's what you-"

"Kate, don't be ridiculous."

"Hmm?"

"I know you're not trying to be my mom and you never would. But a step-mom? I think that works just fine."

"Yeah?"

"What I don't like is the fact that you still think you're not really in this family. You are, Kate. You have been for a long time."

"Sometimes I just don't know where I stand with you."

She's quiet for a long time and I wonder if I've upset her or if she doesn't really know the answer either.

"I know things have been pretty murky between us in the past, and I'm glad you just let it clear on its own instead of pushing. I never told you how much I appreciated that."

"To be honest that wasn't me giving you space, it was me not knowing what I was doing."

"You did it well. Regardless, I feel like things are a lot better now. I do love you, Kate and I'm so happy you and dad are…"

Her voice trails off and I reach over for her hand again.

"I love you too."

"Thanks for just being you. I think that's what we all need, just you."

I nod and take a deep breath, thinking that there isn't anything else in the world she could have said that would have been better.

"Do you want to stop for food?" I ask after a bit, needing to change the conversation to something neutral.

"Not unless you do. We can make something when we get home. Or order."

"Alexis, I need you to know that I'm not going to give up, but we may not find anything in his notes."

"I know that. But it's something."

"It's something," I repeat.

"Until we can figure out something else, it has to be enough."

"Sweetheart, you don't have to keep being so brave. It's okay to feel it."

"Yeah, but it's scary."

"I know."

"I feel like if I cry and worry too much that my head will be all foggy and I won't be able to really think about this. I won't be able to help you. And that will let dad down."

"Alexis, promise me you won't lose yourself in this."

"I don't think I can promise you that."

"I don't want you to become me."

"I won't. Kate, you didn't have anyone else to help you, not until dad came along. And I know you won't leave me. I'll be okay."

How can she be so calm and self assured this early in life?

"You let me know if you're not."

"I will."

Silence falls again and I can't help but start thinking about how this was supposed to go. Castle and I would be married now, off on our honeymoon with any cares we still had on pause. Regardless of the plans we'd made, I was still expecting that it wouldn't go off without a hitch. Nothing ever did when it came to us, and looking back, I wish that Rogan was the greatest hitch in the plans and for a glorious day, I'd thought that was it. I thought we'd conquered everything. Now I find out it was only just starting.

I swallow hard and breathe deeply, trying to fight back the strong wave of missing him that I'm feeling. I can't start thinking about the hurt right now, not when I know how fast it can escalate, how quickly it will become more than I can handle. I can't let it in, not with his daughter in the car. He's counting on me to keep her safe, to look out for her, just as he asked me so many years ago. It seems like another lifetime.

I glance over at her, seeing that her head is resting against the window now and her eyes are at half-mast. Maybe once we get back to the city, when she's back home, I can talk her into taking a break and getting some real sleep.

No, she's much too stubborn. Too much like her dad. Too much like me. She's not going to stop unless it's her own idea, and even then, she'll fight it to the end.

I try to keep my mind on trivial things for the rest of the drive, and neither of us really say much. Once we reach the loft we head into the kitchen and find a few things for dinner, despite loss of appetite. She's finished before I am and I know she's itching to get into the file cabinets and look through all of Castle's notes, but I'm starting to think that this is pointless. There may not be a single thing in there. I agree that we have to do something, especially since the investigation in the Hamptons is very slow going, but I don't know if this is the best thing. It has the potential to completely discourage us and send us way off track. I don't want that to happen, but I follow her into the study anyway, watching as she yanks a cabinet open and starts looking through the files.

"He should think about organizing these," she says after a moment, pilling out a few manila folders. "I know for sure this contact moved to Florida. We went to his retirement party."

"Alexis-"

"See, he has this drawer labeled "resources" and some of it is contacts, but some of it is research. And here's a list of clichés to avoid."

"Alexis."

"I know. Don't get my hopes up. If we don't find anything, what do you want to do next?"

"I'll have to check in with Gates, see if there's anything new on the case. If not then I think we try to find Dr. Nieman."

"How?"

"I really hope I can figure that out."


	5. Chapter 5

_Alexis_

2:27 a.m.

The red digits on the alarm clock tell me nothing more than the fact that I won't be sleeping at all tonight. After Kate and I looked through every file folder, real or digitized, she'd talked me into going to bed. Dad hadn't made any of his own notes on Jerry Tyson or Dr. Nieman, and as much as I wanted to stay up and go through everything a second time looking for some kind of code he may have used, I knew that Kate would stay up with me even though she needed sleep more than I did.

So far I've done some yoga, turned on a noise machine, had a cup of Sleepytime tea, watched trash TV, and tried counting sheep. Nothing is working, all I can think about is the fact that dad is out there somewhere, probably injured and worried, and there's not a single thing I can do about it. I know how he feels, it must be so similar to Paris.

The thought catches in my throat and I sit up in bed, feeling like I'm suffocating. I would never wish something like that on anyone and the fact that my father is going through it is one of the worst things I've ever thought of.

I can't seem to really cry, so many of the tears have been let out already, and I find myself getting up from the bed. I just need my dad again, I need something of his. I need to feel like he's here, fake myself into believing he's close. Maybe then I can sleep.

I creep downstairs and across the room to his study, wanting to pull open the file cabinet drawers but knowing it will wake Kate and she'll be on high alert, probably jumping up and dashing in here with her gun. I can't do that to her, she needs the rest more than I do.

I sit down behind his desk and cuddle into the chair as much as I can, then spin it slowly around, my eyes coming to rest on the photo album he keeps on the bookcase behind the desk. I reach out and grab it, then turn the desk lamp on, flipping it open to the first page, tears springing to my eyes.

I sniffle through the first few years of my life, all the pictures of me and dad staring back at me. I've always loved looking at these, remembering how wonderful my life has always been, seeing how much dad loves me. But tonight it just hurts. I would gladly give up all those photos, even the memories, just to have him here with me.

I make it to the end of the album, to the most recent picture, one that Kate snapped on Easter just a month ago. How could it all change so fast? It doesn't seem real at all and I slam the book shut, angry at all of it. What will I do without him? How will I live my life knowing that he's gone? If we don't get him back, I don't know what I'll do.

My feet carry me into the bedroom and I push on the door carefully, peeking in. Kate is sitting up in the bed, a lamp glowing dimly and a book in her lap. She gives me a knowing, sad smile, then pulls the covers back on dads side of the bed. I only hesitate a moment before climbing up next to her. There must still be tear tracks on my face because she reaches over and runs her thumb under my eye before giving my hand a squeeze.

"Nightmare?"

"Can't sleep. It's not so bad during the day when we're actually doing something but it sucks when I just lay there thinking that we should be doing something."

"We might not be actively doing anything but rest is essential."

"What if dad isn't able to rest?" I ask finally, tugging his pillow under my head. "What if he's hurt?"

The last word comes out on a tearful squeak and she puts the book off to the side then settles down next to me, trying very hard not to let her own tears fall.

"I don't know what to tell you. I'm trying not to think about that but it keeps creeping in."

I nod, wishing she had something comforting to say. She's supposed to be the adult here after all, she's used to crisis, she…

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he doesn't come home? What if I lose him like you lost your mom?"

I don't really think about the words before they come out, nor do I realize how they sound until I see tears on her face. She pulls me close and kisses my forehead and I can hear her heart hammering in her chest.

"I don't know. I wish I could promise you that it won't happen but I can't."

"I want my dad."

"I know."

She finally starts to really cry which only sends me into tears as well. I can't imagine how horrible it was to lose her mother like that and now to possibly lose dad as well, that's too much for one person to hold.

"Kate," I start finally, when both of us have calmed down a little. "If dad… if he never comes home… promise me you'll stay."

"What?"

"Live here. Don't go away."

"Alexis, this is your home-"

"And I want you here. It's your home too, it has been for a long time. Please don't leave us."

"I won't."

Her cell phone rings and she sits up, grabbing it off the nightstand so forcefully that the charging cord pops out.

"It's Lanie," she says quietly, accepting the call and putting it on speaker.

"Kate, I'm sorry to call so late," Lanie apologizes, as if this isn't more important.

"It's okay. What's up?"

"Sweetie, it wasn't him in that car."

"I know," Kate says with a sigh, one which almost makes me laugh.

"I know you felt that, but I can definitively say it wasn't him. Based on the length of the femur we recovered, the body in the car was that of someone at least four inches shorter than Castle. Most of the bones are just fragments, but they give me enough to work with and these remains don't match up with what would be there if it was Castle. Kate, it wasn't him in the car."

Kate's breath leaves her in a _whoosh_ and my hands begin to shake. We already knew this, we felt it from the beginning, but to hear it told to us without a doubt is better than the light at the end of the tunnel or a candle in the dark.

"Lanie, thank you," Kate says finally.

"The boys are headed back to the city in the morning, they told me to tell you to stay put. They'll meet you at the loft as soon as they get there."

"Yeah, okay."

"You're not listening to me are you?"

"No."

"Kate, you be careful. You be really careful."

"I will Lanie, thanks."

She hangs up the phone and looks over at me, her eyes a wee bit lighter than they had been.

"We'll have more help now," she comments. "No more doubts."

"Kate if Jerry Tyson is such a meticulous planner, why would he place a body in the car that could be so easily be disproven to be dad?"

I can't tell by her face if she's already thought of this or if she's surprised that I have. She clears her throat gently and slumps back against the pillows, chewing on her lip.

"He wanted me to suffer. This is making me suffer, whether your dad is gone or not. He knew that. He knew that the loss would do me in, but the chase just might as well. He didn't need to be meticulous this time."

"He wants you to go looking for him."

"Yes, I think he does."

And she will. She'll walk right into gunfire, into a dark alley or an abandoned building, no Kevlar vest, no back-up. She'll risk her life to get dad back. She's going to go into this battle alone because that's what Tyson wants. That's the only way to get dad back.

"Dad wouldn't want you to do this, Kate."

"Do what?"

"Walk into something like this. It would kill him if something happened to you."

She's quiet for a moment before she turns to me, her face set in stony determination.

"Alexis, I will do whatever it takes to bring your dad back to you. Maybe it won't come to that, but if it does, I'm doing it."

"But Kate!"

"You promised me. You promised you would listen to me and do what I said."

"How do you know that Tyson will just let dad go if you do what he wants? What if he kills you both? Do you really want to leave me with no one, Kate?"

I know it's a low blow but her features soften just a bit.

"No, I don't. I don't know how this will go, Alexis. But you have to know that I will do everything in my power to make sure we all come home safe. If I fail, I hope I fail myself and not you or your dad. Understand?"

"Because you're the cop."

She nods gently and I sit up, leaning my head on her shoulder. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to go back to the Hamptons and sit with Gram and wait for news like usual. I don't want to be involved, I don't want to know all this. But I can't leave, I can't let her do this alone. Dad would never do that. I have to keep fighting, for him.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Only a couple chapter left! Leave a note, I don't bite!

* * *

_Kate_

Morning dawns brightly and I'm surprised either of us slept this late. I stretch a little and stand from the bed, taking a moment to replace the blankets over Alexis' sleeping form. So much of what she said last night was valid and I wish that just making a promise had the power to cause it to come true, but it doesn't. I am fully aware that I may die trying to bring Castle home. And as much as I am already grieving the loss of our future together, I accept that it could be endgame. But if he can be safe, if the two of them can be together again, then I will do this gladly.

I make my way out to the kitchen and start coffee, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and scrolling through the mental file of Jerry Tyson once again. The last clue he gave us was that stupid song and even though I've memorized the lyrics, it occurs to me that music and songs are more than that. Could there have been more hidden in the track? Did he embed some kind of code that we could crack with the right equipment?

"Kate?"

"Hey. I just had a thought."

"Me too," the redhead says, perching on the barstool, her eyes alight with excitement. "I don't know if it was a dream or that halfway point between awake and asleep. If dad kept his own notes on Jerry Tyson and he knew that Tyson had been here, or at least was keeping tabs, doesn't it hold that he would have stored those notes somewhere else?"

"Like where?"

"A safety deposit box. Locked in a filing cabinet at Black Pawn. That's where he keeps copies of his will, my birth certificate… Kate what if we just haven't been looking in the right place?"

It hits me then and I steady myself against the counter, stammering words out.

"My apartment."

"What?"

"It was months ago. Remember when we made him clean out his study because it was so dusty? He was going through files and things for days, that's why it's so disorganized now, he got bored and shoved it all back into the drawers. He took some stuff over to my place, he said it was important paperwork, contracts and things, and he didn't want to risk losing it in the purge. We took it over there and put it in my wall safe. I never looked at what it was but maybe…"

"We have to go over there," she says, standing up from the barstool. "I mean, we're not even sure he made any kind of notes, but why would he keep them here if he did? If Tyson was going through destroying things, if he had the loft under surveillance, then he'd know dad was making notes, he'd know to come here to get them and he wouldn't care about taking out anyone that stood in his way. Kate, he had to have made those notes and he would have hidden them to protect us."

My heart is beating faster and faster as all the ink blots finally form a clear picture. It's the same feeling I get in my gut when we're closing in on a suspect. This is it. This is a foothold, it's a piece of hope, it's something.

"What were you thinking of?"

"The flash drive," I stutter out, remembering. "What if there's something hidden under the music?"

"Paul is dead, coo-coo-cachoo?"

"Like that."

"Where's the flash drive?"

"Locked in my desk at the precinct. I'll call Ryan and have him get it out, start analyzing."

She nods, watching as I grab my phone from the counter and open the web browser, hunting for the history of the song. What I find is innocent enough, but it sends a chill down my spine. She takes the phone from me and reads the screen, a wrinkle forming on her brow.  
"_The assertion that "we'll meet again" is optimistic, as many soldiers did not survive to see their loved ones again. Indeed, the meeting place at some unspecified time in the future would have been seen by many who lost loved ones to be heaven."_

"No. No, this is just a coincidence," she says, shaking her head. "The message he sent, it's nothing more than the lyrics, it's not about this. It can't be."

I want to assure her that she's right, it is just a fluke, but this is just the kind of thing Tyson would do and it's just the kind of thing Castle would come up with to solve a case. There's a pit in my stomach while Alexis gets rid of the webpage and shakes her head.

"It's not this, Kate. This isn't some spy thriller, this is real. It's just a coincidence."

I don't agree or disagree with her and she sighs, heading upstairs to get dressed, while I finish my coffee and call Ryan, tumbling all the information over in my head while I do so.

"Kate. We're almost to the loft-"

"I need you to do something for me."

"We'll come pick you up-"

"Ryan, I need you to get into the locked drawer in my desk. There's the flash drive in there. I need to take it to Tech and see what they can get out of it. File names, anything that was on there, then deleted, anything embedded in the current files."

"Kate-"

"Just do it Ryan!"

"Okay. Do you want us to come pick you up?"

"No, I have things I need to do."

There's a staticky noise and I can tell he's put the phone on speaker so Esposito can get in on the conversation.

"Kate, Gates wants us to look into the body in the car-"

"That's going to take forever, just please go and do this for me okay?"

"Is Alexis going with you?"

"Yes. I don't want to tangle with her over this right now. She can make her own decisions."

"Bring her to the station, she can help us instead."

"I'll bring it up to her but I don't think she'll go for it. Call me if you find anything."

I hang up the phone and leave it on the counter while I head into the bathroom for a shower. Their apprehension isn't lost on me and I really want to sneak out while Alexis is in the other room, leave without her and bar her from any of this. I know how angry she would be, she may never talk to me again, especially if I ditch her for a simple trip back to my apartment. There's no danger here, but I feel like I need to make a stand now. Castle would be furious if he knew I was letting her do this, but if I don't let her do it, if I don't keep an eye on her, Tyson could take her too.

Swallowing hard at the thought, I shake my head and wonder if the boys have reached the precinct yet, or managed to get into the locked drawer. It's not that secure, I'm sure they'll get in with a little work. And maybe we'll get lucky and tech will find something on the flash drive. Maybe, maybe.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Brace yourselves, folks. It's about to get crazy

* * *

_Alexis_

As we drive it occurs to me that I've never seen Kate's apartment. A small piece of my mind is intrigued by the fact and I wonder what it's like, her home away from home, as dad once called it. Will it be simplistic and sparsely decorated because she's never had the time to do anything with it? Or will it be warm and inviting like she is? I don't know why it matters that much to me, but it at least takes my mind somewhat away from current events for now.

"Alexis?"

"Hmm?"

"I called the boys, they're going to start working on the flash drive and doing a few other things around the precinct. They wanted to know if you wanted to go and help them."

I can't help the glare that I shoot at her, but it only lasts a moment before I accept the fact that she's scared for my safety. This isn't a personal thing, not in this way. It's not her thinking I'm incapable, and it's not her thinking I'm holding her back. It's her worried that something bad is going to happen.

"No. If I go, then you're on your own."

"You're too much like your dad to sit on the sidelines."

"Yes, I am."

A grin creeps across her face and she giggles a little, shaking her head.

"What?"

"Did he ever tell you about the time I had to handcuff him to the car to keep him from following me?"

I can't help but snicker at the thought.

"He probably was mad but figured it was an experience he could work into one of his books."

"The Richard Castle Optimism," she muses, stopping for a light. "I try really hard not to laugh at his antics but sometimes I have to excuse myself so he doesn't see."

"You know, Gina always rolled her eyes at him and sighed and acted like he was stupid and immature. I get that he can be a little kid sometimes and I think we've all rolled our eyes at him, but you never act like he's an idiot."

She doesn't say anything but nods, her mind obviously recalling a memory that she wants to keep to herself. I don't say anything, just wait patiently until she picks the conversation up again.

"He used to drive me nuts. Now I guess I just think he's cute."

"Is that the love haze?"

She chuckles.

"I think so, but I hope I never come out of it."

"I don't think you will. Even when you're both old and gray, you'll still laugh when he shoots himself in the eye with a rubber band."

"He'll probably have an eye patch by then."

"And a parrot."

"And a peg-leg."

We're getting silly now but neither of us can help it. We need a break from the heavy thoughts. It's not as if we're giving up on dad at all, it's the same thing as needing rest to prepare yourself for what is to come. We need to laugh together or we might drive ourselves insane.

"Alexis, you know how much I love him, right?"

"I've known for a long time. We all have. I think you were the last one to find out, actually."

"That might be true."

"When he comes home I think you guys should just go to the courthouse and get this thing done."

"I think so too."

"We'll have a party later too. It'll be a huge blowout and everyone can come and we'll pretend this whole thing never happened."

"That sounds perfect," she sighs gently as we stop outside her building.

"When is your lease up?" I ask. I've been wondering for a while why she still keeps the place anyway.

"End of the month. Your gram was talking about taking over the lease so I just kept it until she decided."

"Gram moving out," I say, shaking my head. "It didn't last long last time."

"She said something about newlyweds needing their own space. Your dad said she would be over to harp on us about having babies every night anyway, so what was the point in moving heavy furniture."

"As much as he acts like she's a bother, he loves having her there."

"Such a mama's boy. I love that about him."

We get out of the car and I notice that she checks that her weapon is holstered at her side. It might be a normal cop thing but it worries me slightly as we make our way into the building. She presses the elevator button and the car takes us upward, jerking to a stop at the top.

"Alexis, if we don't find anything, don't get discouraged. We still have other avenues to explore and to be honest, the hope that there might be something pertinent in his notes isn't a really promising one anyway."

"We only went after this because there was nothing else," I agree with a nod while she fishes her keys out of her pocket. "I'm not expecting much."

"We'll head to the precinct after this, see if the boys came up with anything on the flash drive. It's probably time to regroup and talk to Captain Gates anyway."

"I thought she kicked you off the case."

"She did, but now we know for sure it wasn't your dad in the car. Maybe she won't let me look for him, but she should at least let me figure out who was in the car."

"And you'll send me home."

"I'll send you to the break room."

"Kate."

"I don't know if I'll be able to talk her into letting you help but I know I can convince her that you need to stay with me for safety reasons, okay?"

"Better than nothing."

She nods and slides the key into the lock, opening the door and ushering me inside while she fumbles for the light switch. It's so dark in here and I remember her making an offhanded comment long ago about putting up blackout curtains so she could sleep during the day if she had to.

"Where's the safe?"

"In the other room."

"Well, well," a voice comes out through the shadows. "You brought the kid."

We both freeze for just a moment before Kate whips her gun out and keeps me behind her as she surveys the darkened room. My hands are shaking as I wonder what in the world we've just walked into.

"Tyson, I know you've got Castle. Where is he?"

"He's here. Aren't you, Ricky?"

The next sound I hear is dad screaming and I push Kate out of the way to follow the sound. She grabs for me and misses as I stumble into what I presume is the coffee table.

"Oh don't get flustered now," Tyson sneers, his voice very close to me. "This story has already been written."

Before I can move he grabs me around the waist, cackling delightedly.

"Oh Kate, your ineptitude is making this so much sweeter," he laughs, holding me so tightly I feel like there will be internal damage.

"Tyson, let her go. She's not part of this."

"Oh yes she is. And do you know why Kate?"

"Because you want to destroy everything I love," she answers simply. "You want to destroy me."

"Brava, Detective. It's too bad you didn't think of that before you walked in here. Almost too good to be true. For me that is."

Silence falls and I can imagine the look on Kate's face as she tries to figure out her next move. There's a shuffling noise and a deep breath is taken; I realize that dad is mere feet from us.

"Daddy?"

"'Lexis."

His voice is soft, like he's on the cusp of sleep and tears pool in my eyes as I picture how injured he must be. Is he slipping in and out of consciousness?

"Don't worry, your daddy won't be in pain much longer."

"NO!" Kate and I scream at the same time. I struggle against Tyson but he has such a death grip on me, all it does is wear me out.

"She's going to lose her daddy just like you lost your mommy, Detective. I can destroy all three of you, all I really have to do is destroy one of you. Maybe I'll start with the girl."

"No," Kate says calmly. "Take me instead."

"Kate no!"

"Now, let me think about this," Tyson laughs. "Not something I had planned, but a worthy thought regardless."

"Stop playing games."

"Oh but don't you know by now Detective? Games are what I enjoy the most."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Ready? Okay!

* * *

_Kate_

I was not prepared for this at all. Never in a million years did I think we were walking into any kind of danger, I never would have come here if I even had an inkling that this would happen. It all makes sense, now that I think about it. The ruined dress was his calling card, the happenstance with the venue was him getting us out of the city so he could go about this easier. It wasn't bad luck at all, it was Jerry Tyson. And now he's holding my family captive, and I've let it happen.

"Jerry, just take me. Let them go. You can torture me or kill me or whatever it is that you're wanting, I don't care. Just let them out."

"Oh, but my way is so much better," he says. "My way will kill you from the inside out."

"Right, because no other psychopath has ever thought of something like that," I scoff, recalling to mind a book about a hostage negotiator in which she was described as always sounding bored with the situation.

"So who's it going to be first, Kate? Whose screams would you like to hear?"

"My own, Tyson. That's your only option. Take me."

"Kate no!"

"Oh I can take you, but that means you'll get to listen to them scream anyway. How do you want them to suffer? It's up to you."

"No it's not Jerry. It's up to you. Clearly you're the one in control here."

I hear a whimper from Alexis and I wish I could tell her what I'm doing but I can't. She's just going to have to trust me.

"Turn on the light," I continue. "Don't hide in the dark like some coward. Prove to me that you can stand there and challenge me."

"Oh and you think you're such a worthy adversary for me?"

"You're nothing, Tyson. You're just one man. You couldn't even accomplish your last goal without your girlfriend. Where is she anyway?"

"We all have to get rid of our baggage at some point, Detective. Think of this as me helping you out."

I want to lunge for him but I can't see and I don't want to miss or hurt Alexis. Keeping him talking isn't going to do anything at all. I'm at a loss.

"You can do whatever you want to me."

"Whatever I want?"

"Anything. You let me say goodbye and you can take me."

"I think we have a deal."

I know he's not falling for it, he would never take this deal, but for my plan to work, he has to believe that I believe it. He's only going with it so he can get close enough to me to take both of us.

"You turn on the light and you let me say goodbye."

"Oh, as you wish," he laughs. There's a clicking sound and a lantern comes on, illuminating the room but barely. Castle is slumped against the wall, dried blood on his tux, one arm curled in his lap, his head lolled to the side. His left leg is twisted at a weird angle and I'm certain it's broken. As my eyes adjust I see Alexis still being held by Tyson. Her skin has gone paler than normal and tears are streaming down her face. She can't seem to speak and I'm not entirely sure she's even breathing.

"Well let's get this over with," Tyson chuckles, pushing her to me. She stumbles and I catch her, finding that her skin has grown clammy.

"Trust me, Alexis. You promised."

"No."

"It will be okay. Just don't stop. You understand? Do not stop."

"Okay, okay, that's enough," Tyson says as he approaches. I watch him out of the corner of my eye until he's just close enough, right where I need him to be.

"Trust me. Now," I whisper. She understands, gasping in a breath before her leg shoots out behind her, catching him in the knee. It doesn't take him down but it does surprise him, giving us a second before he lunges forward. It's not enough time to get my gun up or to get off a good shot and he knocks it out of my hand when he barrels into us.

We slam into the wall and Alexis yelps in pain, trying to wiggle out from behind me. I'm pushing back against Tyson and he's using his full body weight to keep us stationary, even as one hand comes up to clasp around my neck.

"I've been waiting for this," he whispers, close to my ear. "Beg me."

"No."

"Beg me, Kate. You said I could do anything to you. Beg me."

"Never."

I feel Alexis finally breaking free and she's about to run when Tyson kicks her hard to the ground. She moans and I close my eyes, mentally coaching her to get up.

"Oh this is even better than I thought. Is that fear on your face, Detective? Don't worry. I always play with my food before I eat it."

My vision is starting to blur and I can just make out her shape over his shoulder, getting slowly to her feet, my gun in her shaking hand.

"It's over, Tyson." I manage to get out, gulping for air.

"No, not until I say," he whispers, close to my ear as his other hand comes up to my throat. It's a two handed strangle now and I feel my feet leave the ground as he pulls me away from the wall. I guess that I have about three seconds left, my arms are limply at my sides and there is nothing I can do.

"Drop her."

He falters and his grip loosens but not enough. I struggle one more time for breath and that's when I hear the sound of a gunshot ripping through the air. I crash to the floor and breathe in the cool air, looking up as Tyson bellows in pain, then lunges for Alexis. She screams and fires again, catching him in the arm. He keeps advancing on her and trance-like she continues to scream and fire. She gets him every time, though her shots are scattered. He finally falls forward, blood quickly pooling around him. She's still screaming, her finger pulling the trigger over and over even though she's used the entire cartridge. I crawl my way over to where Tyson lays, ever on my guard but needing to check.

There's no pulse and he's rapidly losing blood. He's dead, or will be in a moment.

"Alexis it's okay," I assure loudly over the noise she's making. "It's okay, he's gone."

Her screams die out and she stands there, her stare falling to the gun, her hand shaking violently.

"It's okay," I repeat, finding my adrenaline is finally kicking in. She however, takes two steps toward Castle then sinks to her knees, crawling the rest of the way to him.

"Daddy? Daddy, please."

He stirs at her touch and I rush to them, taking stock of his injuries while trying to dial 911. Alexis is whimpering, her head in Castle's lap, eyes fixed on the body across the room. I can tell she's slipping into shock and I reach over for her hand.

"It's over, baby. It's all over."

"It's never over," she croaks. "It just started."


	9. Epilogue

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I had it planned out then hit a major block.

* * *

_Castle_

Between the pain from the injuries, the still-fading adrenaline of the last few weeks, and the restless woman trying to sleep next to me, it's no wonder I'm not getting very much rest.

Everything is upside down, things are fuzzy and I still can't recall exactly what happened with Tyson. I remember bits and pieces, but according to Kate I was fading in and out of consciousness most of the time, and as soon as we arrived at the hospital it seemed, I was whisked up to surgery.

After almost a week in recovery they let me go home under the condition that a private nurse would come over every morning, and I would attend physical therapy for my damaged ankle once I was healed in other ways. I don't love all the fussing the girls are doing over me, mother fluttering about and keeping track of all my medications, Kate forcing me to use the crutches instead of the wheelchair, and Alexis barely able to leave my side. Everyone seems skittish during the day, but at night, that's the worst.

Kate tosses and turns beside me, sleeping but not resting. She wakes up about every hour, rolling over to check on me, then laying silently in the dark until exhaustion grabs her again. She never says a word to me, even though she's fully aware I'm awake. Sometimes in the morning she tells me what she dreamed about, but at night she's mum, twisting her temporary wedding ring around her finger. I can't help but smile at the thought of our quick hospital room wedding, the chaplain presiding over us for three minutes while the monitors beeped in the background and I was uncomfortably aware of my catheter. Someday we'll have a real wedding or at least a party, but when faced with the reality of everything, it gave us both something to be happy about.

I glance over at the clock and sigh deeply, trying again to fall asleep. All I can think about is how hungry I am, how long it's been since I've eaten, and the leftover homemade beefaroni in the fridge. We've been going through a comfort food phase, it seems.

I'm debating the long trek into the kitchen when I hear the now very common sounds of a nightmare from upstairs. Almost before I register the sound Kate is up and out of the room and I can hear her feet pounding up the stairs. It's the same every night, Alexis has a nightmare, Kate runs upstairs to wake her from it, mother gathers a cool rag and a glass of water, and somewhere in the fracas I manage to hobble my way upstairs to take care of my little girl.

It takes me just a moment to crutch along the room and longer to get up the stairs, and by the time I arrive the lights are on, mother is flitting about the room and Kate is perched on the side of the bed, speaking softly to Alexis who is nearly hyperventilating.

"Everybody's safe," Kate assures, reaching up to turn the lamp down a little. "We're all here and it's all over."

"No it's not!"

"Alexis, he's gone. Lanie did the autopsy herself. He's gone."

"Because I murdered him!"

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did! I shot him, Kate. Over and over and even when I knew he was hurt I just kept shooting. I'm a killer."

"No you're not. No. Alexis, you stopped a monster. You saved my life, you saved your dad, you defended yourself."

"I didn't have to kill him."

"Yes, you did."

"I can't take it back! I can't fix it. You're right, it's over and it's done and I have to live with how it happened. And that means he won, Kate. He wanted to destroy us and he has. Even from the grave I put him in, he's still playing the game. He won."

We're all silent for a while, mother sinking down into the desk chair, her face buried in her hands. I know what Kate is thinking, she's remembering that day at the precinct with Dick Coonan, shooting him to save me, the weeks of guilt and confusion that followed. I hate that my little girl is going through this now too.

I ditch the crutches and sit down on the other side of the bed taking her small hand between mine and covertly checking her pulse. It's fast, but probably not nearly as bad as it was a few minutes ago.

"Hey Pumpkin, there's no sense in feeling guilty about this. You didn't do anything wrong. He gave you no choice."

"Then why do I feel so horrible?"

"Because a life ended. And as much as I can say that he didn't deserve to live, you can't do that. That's who you are, sweetheart, that's who you've always been."

"It's not fair. I can't live the rest of my life feeling like this."

"It gets better," Kate reassures after a moment. "I know it doesn't feel like it now and I'm sure that if you do start to feel better you'll feel guilty for feeling better-"

"She knows you well."

"But you have to remember that right now everything is going to be a lot more intense than it would be normally. Just like when… when you came back from Paris."

"And I slept with a light on for three weeks?"

"Yeah. Eventually the light turned off."

"This is different than being temporarily scared of the dark. I killed someone. This isn't just nightmares, this is something I did and I can't make it go away, I can't just get over it. It's a part of me now. It always will be."

"I know."

The two of them share a look, one that I for the life of me cannot figure out and will probably never be privy to.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"If I had that answer for you, I would have given it to you a long time ago."

"I just have to live with it for the rest of my life? I'll always know that I killed someone. I took a life that wasn't mine to take."

"Until you get to the point that you can accept that you did what you had to do, then you're going to be miserable, you're going to feel guilty and you're not going to be able to find a new normal."

Alexis looks down at her hands and we all try to come up with something to say that will reassure her, but we're all at a loss. There isn't exactly a rulebook for this kind of thing.

"Okay," Kate says finally, moving to stand up. "I'm going to go make you a cup of tea and-"

"Wait, no."

"What?"

"You… you suck at making tea," Alexis confesses finally. I glance at Kate and see a grin twitching the corners of her mouth.

"I do? How? You just throw a bag in some boiling water."

"But you… you always take the bag out as soon as the water changes color."

"Apparently I'm too impatient for tea."

"I'll go," I offer, feeling some levity creeping back into the situation as I struggle up from the bed.

"I'd better help you," mother says, standing up as well. "Who knows what could happen when we mix you, painkillers, crutches, and a hot surface."

"Thanks for the belief you've always had in me, mother."

She laughs a little as we make our way out of the room and to the stairs. She starts down first, then turns to watch my progress, frowning.

"Richard, I'll go do this, you stay here. At this rate it will be morning before you make it to the kitchen."

I scowl at her but obey, turning back to my daughter's room and slowing down as I approach so I can make the turn. I pause when I hear voices, not sure if I should stand here and listen so they can have their conversation or if I should make a detour into the bathroom.

"No, there's nothing wrong with that, not at all."

"Do you think it will help?"

"If you want it to. If you commit to it and work with it, then yeah, I think therapy will help a lot."

"It's kind of scary."

"I still get nervous butterflies when I walk into Dr. Burke's office. I'm still afraid that he's going to get me to see something that I don't want to deal with or that I'll find out one more thing I have to work on. But I always feel better when I leave."

"I wish I could just shut it all off, you know? Put it in a box somewhere and take it out when I'm ready."

"You'd never be ready, it would be like the telltale heart sitting there ticking at you forever."

There's a short pause.

"Why are you always right?"

"It's my biggest selling point."

I peek carefully around the corner and smile at the image of the two of them sitting there together. I won't deny the seriousness of what happened and I won't ever let myself believe that the two of them weren't in near agony for those few days, but at this moment, they both look as if nothing is really wrong. They look like family, for the first time it really hits me how bound together we all are.

"Dad, we know you're there."

"As well you should," I reply, making my voice as light as possible as I painstakingly cross the room again. "So, what's the verdict? Want to sleep in the office with the TV on again?"

"Yes, but I shouldn't."

"Who says?" Kate asks with a frown.

"Well no one, but I have to sleep in here at some point."

"Remember when you told me that I don't have to be so brave? At some point you're going to have to take your own advice."

"I know."

"Okay, I'm going back to bed. Breakfast requests are due by seven."

"I like this domestic side of you," I mention, lifting my eyebrows.

"It's not being domestic, it's being the boss."

Alexis giggles and Kate leans over to kiss the top of her head.

"Goodnight kid. I love you."

"I love you too."

She slips from the room and I take my little girl into my arms, rocking her gently back and forth, the way I have since she was small.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you."

"It's okay."

"No it's not. You've been through too much the last few years, always worrying about me."

She's quiet and so am I, unsure of where I'm going with this.

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"Jerry Tyson may have won this one, but the reason you and Kate do this is so it doesn't happen again to someone else. Of course I worry and I'll probably have nightmares for a long time, but the way I see it, it's better me than someone else. But I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"But-"

"Dad, until I can figure out how to accept what happened, I can't be consumed with the injustice of everything. If I do that I'll never come out of it and I'll never be me again."

"Okay. But you know where I am if you need me."

"I'll get there. It'll be okay."

There's nothing more I can say or do to help her so I fall silent, trusting that will ask for help when she needs it. It's clear to me though that nothing will ever be the same, whether for better or worse.


End file.
